More than a Fan
by Nature9000
Summary: Most of her life Trina has sought answers to questions that have surrounded her and her family. When the former wife of one of her favorite authors hosts a promotional book signing, she jumps at the opportunity to find the answers she's been looking for, but what she learns brings a question that rings louder than all the rest: Is she ready for the next step?


More than a Fan

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N: This is a oneshot that I'm planning to have connect to a oneshot in another fandom, that oneshot is _CASTLE'S LAMENT, _both of which will come together to form a coming story called "Castle in LA". All that leave their input and I know like the oneshots, I will send you a message when I put the story out. For now, this (as well as the future story) is set in early 2010, and Trina is not yet 17.

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><p>-CONNECTED TO <em>CASTLE'S LAMENT<em>-

Trina flew around the bottom post of the stairwell, ignoring her Tori and her friends at the poker table. Her heart pounded heavily as she scrambled across the floor and made her way to the door. "What's going on?" She heard her sister ask, just before one of her friends followed up with a remark about her being crazy, but she paid no mind.

She pulled the door open with a joyous cry and bolted down the sidewalk just as David Vega pulled into the drive. The mailman was now parked at the mailbox at the end, his eyes were focused on the envelopes in his hands. "Trina settle down," David remarked, "What's the rush?"

The mailman's eyes moved up and his brow furrowed the moment Trina reached for the envelopes. "Tell me it came in. Tell me!" She sorted through the envelopes as David walked towards her and shook his head.

"Honestly Trina. What is it you're looking for?"

"You wouldn't understand." When she saw the envelope addressed to her, she cried out happily and smacked the rest of the mail against David's chest. The man rolled his eyes at her and turned away. "I've been waiting all week for this!"

Tori stepped outside with her friends and leaned sideways against the door frame. "For what?" She tore open the envelope and removed a letter that confirmed her ticket to meet Meredith Castle, the ex-wife of Trina's favorite novelist, Richard 'Rick' Castle. The woman lived in LA and was helping to spread his novels around California. She already had most of his novels, but what she wanted to do was talk to Meredith, she had some pressing questions for her.

"What's this?" David held up another envelope addressed to her. She threw her head up with a gasp and swiped the envelope from him before he could read the name of the sender. "Trina? What's gotten into you?"

"Nothing." She brushed past Tori and made her way to the couch, studying the second envelope with a heavy heart. Her hands cradled it gently, but her fingers held it tight as though it would fly away from her in an instant. The air sucked in between her teeth and she held onto it before releasing it with a whisper. "Just the truth."

At the top corner of the envelope were the words _California Adoptive Agency_, she'd spoken to a woman from the center that was able to pull some strings for her despite her not yet being eighteen.

Her parents told her she'd been adopted at infancy, but they never told her who her birth parents were, they often said it didn't matter. Most of her life she'd fantasized about this birth family.

David was a workaholic and often negligent of both his daughters, Holly was off having an affair with some guy that worked on the police force, and of course Tori was the center of the universe.

She would act out for attention, but then she'd be shot down and called a nuisance-among other insults. So in her dreams, she would fantasize about her birth family swooping to save her from this life, and now she was going to find out if it was true.

Trina opened the envelope carefully and walked towards the stairwell. This sheet of paper might answer one question, but she'd come to understand it the numerous questions it would bring to light.

She reached the middle of the stairs and looked back to the living room. Tori and her friends returned to the poker game, and David was moving towards his study. "At least they're not worried." She rolled her eyes and continued up the stairs, still waiting to look at the name on the documents inside the envelope.

The rest of the week, she was shaking horribly and counting down the days to meet the woman who could hopefully answer all her questions. She'd done her research, she knew Rick Castle had a daughter that was a year younger than she was. It confused her why she was given up when that daughter wasn't, and she was scared of the thought that they didn't want her. Why else would they have given her up for adoption?

According to her research, he divorced Meredith not long after the second daughter's birth and won custody of the second child.

"Yes it's true!" Cried the dramatic woman behind the booth at the bookstore. Trina's eyebrows rose and her lip curled into a smirk as the red haired woman put a hand to her chest. "I was Richard Castle's favorite wife. Ex-wife." She looked to the stack of books that surrounded the booth, Meredith was offering them for a price lower than retail.

A reporter nearby shoved the microphone in the woman's face and she stared down at it with wide eyes. "Is it true that in Castle's newest novel 'Heat Wave', _Nikki Heat_ is inspired by New York detective Kate Beckett?" The woman dropped her shoulders and rolled her eyes, then let out a heavy sigh.

"Yes it's true. I would have liked to be the inspiration of his newest novel, but you see, I have too much to do." The woman's nasal laugh filled the air. "I've recently gotten in touch with my agent to play a part in an upcoming film that-"

"Aren't you here to promote the novels, not the next straight to DVD film you're going to play an extra in?"

Trina stifled a laugh as the woman's hands fell to her hips and her eyes narrowed. "Yes, of course." Meredith pressed her lips together and fell back into the wooden chair. She pulled her hair back and grabbed a book off the stack. "Richard would typically do this himself, but he stays in New York primarily. He's consulting with the NYPD, so he doesn't have the time to fly out to LA."

"Wow Trina," Jade's voice startled her, "She acts like she could be your mother." Trina spun around and focused her shocked gaze on the brunette and her boyfriend. Jade's arms were crossed and she was leaning to the right, staring smugly at her. "Over the top dramatic, selfish and caring only about herself. Sounds like you."

Trina's heart sank and she quickly turned away, running into the line of people while Beck nudged his girlfriend in the side. Jade uncrossed her arms and followed after her, much to her dismay. "I didn't know you were a fan of Castle's novels."

A dull ache spread across her chest. "What are you doing here, Jade?" Looking at Meredith, she felt her tears lining up beneath her eyelids.

"I'm here for the novels. I'm a fan too. Are you seriously crying? Usually you shrug off my insults."

"Crying?" She swept the tears from her cheeks and scoffed. "It's not because of you, Jade." The girl's mouth formed a circle and her eyebrows shot up. Trina moved forward as the person at the front of the line took off.

She had no idea how to introduce herself to Meredith, and certainly she couldn't hold up the entire line. There had to be a way to talk to Meredith outside of all this.

"Well then what the hell is the matter?"

"It's really not any of your business." In her peripheral, she saw Jade look to the paper clutched in her hand. When the girl reached for it, she moved her hand away from her and growled. "What do you think you're doing? Leave me alone!"

"Sorry."

"Why don't you go to the back of the line?" She straightened her posture and brushed her hair back over her shoulder. "I doubt the people behind me want anyone cutting in front of them, and you're not with me."

"We're friends, aren't we?"

"Are you delusional? Friends don't insult friends and tell them things like, no one wants them." Trina looked back at Meredith and her heart lurched forward. Her fingers tightened on the paper and her head bowed slightly. "You might be right…I might really be someone nobody wants around. Even mom and dad just take care of me out of obligation."

"I doubt that," Beck replied, "I mean-"

"You doubt it?" She shot him a scathing look. "How can you doubt it when you're all constantly with Tori at the house-not only does Tori badmouth me, but you see how my own parents act."

"They're negligent, it happens. Tori feels like shit about it too."

"Yeah right, they still at least _try_ with her. Not with me. I'm not even their daughter." She took a deep breath as the couple exchanged confused glances. "I'm adopted, guys. I thought Tori would have bragged about that to you-about how I was adopted so I'm not really her sister or something."

"She never said anything like that." Jade pointed in front of her and cleared her throat. "You're next in line, by the way."

"Wha-" Her heart stopped and her eyes flew back to Meredith. The person in front of her was walking starting to walk away. As the woman's smiling gaze moved onto her, she felt the energy around her shift away. "Oh god."

Her hands began to tremble and her aching chest grew in pain. "Next?" Meredith motioned for her to walk forward, but she'd lost nearly all feeling in her legs. Her knees started to buckle and the color in her body was swept away. "Don't hold up the line dear, I don't have all day."

"I-I-I'm sorry. I can't." Her eyes slammed shut and she took off running. After racing around the corner, she pressed her back against the wall and struggled to catch her breath. When it hit her that she just lost the chance to meet the woman, her entire world crumbled and pulled her to the ground.

Her eyes searched her hands for the paper she'd been holding. It was gone, possibly blown away during her run. "No…" She pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs. Anguish tore from her lips and she buried her face into her knees. "Why am I such a goddamn coward!"

It didn't matter anyway, the woman probably wouldn't have bothered with her.

She could feel time passing her by as she remained there, her body trembled with each angered sob and violent curse "I'm not important enough. What the hell does it matter. He's too important to bother with me anyway, I know how it goes." Even David's status was too high and mighty to be bothered with a child he'd adopted.

"How does what go?" Her eyes widened as a shadow fell over her. The feminine voice electrified her and pulled her gaze up. Seeing Meredith standing before her, she gasped and resisted the urge to flee in panic. Jade and Beck were standing with the woman, and Jade was holding on to the paper that Trina had.

Jade lifted the neatly folded page and pushed it towards her. "You um…you dropped this." Trina grabbed it away and closed her eyes as Meredith knelt beside her.

"Don't you have books to give out or something, Meredith?"

"The sale's over," she answered. Trina's stomach knotted up and she let her legs fall towards the ground. "Your friends showed me that adoption paper you have there. I'm guessing that was the reason you were here?"

"Yes, but it doesn't matter now." Trina wiped away the tears on her eyes and looked away. She made a fool of herself already and didn't want to do it again.

"You don't have questions?"

"Of course I have questions. I just…I don't know. I'm scared of the answers." Meredith sat beside her. The woman bent her right leg and wrapped her arms around it, tangling her fingers over the knee.

"Richard would love to hear from you. Best way you're going to get in touch with him is through his direct mailing address, because fans tend to send everything to the P.O. box he has listed or his email. He isn't so self-important that he would ignore your message. As for me?" The woman exhaled and closed her eyes. "I am sitting right here."

"You-you both have a daughter that's a year younger than I am. Right?"

"Yes. Alexis." Meredith nodded and looked up to the sky. "She's a sweetheart, and of course a daddy's girl." Trina bowed her head and a chuckle escaped her lips. "I can answer your questions, but you'll probably want to talk to Richard more than me."

Trina curled a strand of hair over her ear and looked over to the woman. "Why?"

"Because I am the one who gave you up." Her muscles tensed and she moved her eyes towards the ground. "I shouldn't say it like that, exactly, but it's my fault you were put up for adoption." Trina's eyebrows moved together and her lips pursed as the woman stared off into the distance. "Richard and I divorced after Alexis was born, he gained custody of her and I won custody of you."

"Okay?" Her voice wavered with nervousness and she looked up to Beck and Jade. The couple were walking out of earshot, much to her pleasure. "So what happened? Why was I given up?"

"It was the child protective agency. A mixture of that and my um…my vanity. I was angry, I wanted both my daughters, but Richard had the courts convinced that I couldn't take care of two girls. He wasn't wrong, exactly."

"What happened?"

Meredith bowed her head and exhaled slowly. "I was more concerned with my non-existent career." Trina whined once as the woman's smile faded away. "I wanted to become famous. Richard had already sold one novel, so I knew he might make it big-I wanted that too, so every day and night I would go out and leave you at home. Social workers got involved after the one night that I left without getting a babysitter…"

Trina's heart stopped and her breath caught in her throat. "Y-You lost me? What about Rick? Why didn't the social workers talk to him?"

"Remember I said I was angry?" Trina cringed when the unspoken answer came to mind. She didn't want to hear it, but she knew it was coming when Meredith took a deep breath. "I tainted the waters, lied to the social workers to the point I had them convinced that your father was just as bad, if not worse."

She felt a rush of anger and jumped up to her feet, shouting out before she could think about her words. "I can't believe you would do something so stupid! How could you!" Meredith chuckled sorely and dropped her head.

"That's what Rick said when he found out. I thought the social workers would have at least tried to check him, but the agent that was working on your case didn't. She got fired a few years later for corruption, if that tells you anything."

"What happened when he found out?"

"We tried to get you back, but it was too late. Since you were just a toddler at the time, you were adopted quickly. By the time Rick found out and tried to get you back, you were with a new family."

Her knees buckled and she grabbed onto a nearby bench, using it to steady herself. Her body pulsed with painful vibrations and her chest shook violently as the tears burned her cheeks. "And he couldn't do anything?" Meredith's face was wet with tears as well, but it was difficult for Trina to sympathize with her.

"He wanted to fight them in court. To sue the social worker even. He was going to do everything in his power to get you back."

"What stopped him?"

"The fact that the family that adopted you did so because they didn't have a child. He felt bad for them, said he did some research and found they'd been trying for five years to have a child. At least, that's the story the mother gave, that they couldn't have children."

"David and Holly Vega?"

"Yes." They'd been in New York at the time, but moved to California when Tori was born. Trina's hands closed into fists and her lips clamped tight. "I don't know about Mr. Vega, but Mrs. Vega met with him and said not only was her husband impotent, but they'd tried for so long to have children and that they'd tried to adopt before but you were the first one to come through successfully and they didn't want to go through the process again."

"Impotent. She told him her husband was _impotent?"_

"Yes."

"He's not impotent." Meredith whimpered and Trina shuffled through her purse until she found a photo of her and Tori. "Here's my little sister. She's a little more than two years younger than I am." Meredith took the photo and stared at it, her hand moved over her mouth and her eyes quivered. "You both believed a sob story."

"I…I'm sorry."

"None of this would have happened if it hadn't been for your vanity, right?" Meredith pulled herself up and slowly nodded. Trina took a deep breath and closed her eyes. "Do you…Do you think he would talk to me?"

"I know he would. He's not 'too important' to talk to you."

"I'd like to send him a letter, if I can. I don't want him to think it's just fan-mail though."

"I'll give you his home address, because it's unlisted, and then address the letter to Alexis." Meredith grabbed a pen from her purse, then removed a pad of sticky notes. "I say that because if you address it to him and he doesn't recognize your name…well some fans do figure out his address, so he might end up putting the letter to the side. If you want him to read it first thing, you'll want to address the letter to Alexis, because she'll send it directly to him."

"Okay. I just want to know who he is, you know? To be able to talk to him." Meredith scribbled on the notepad and smiled warmly at Trina.

"I think he'll be happy to hear from you." She was going to have to swallow her nerves, but when she picked up the courage to send a letter to him, she surely would. The only problem was that she didn't know what to say. Not to mention, she didn't want her family to know she'd made contact with her birth family.

Not yet, anyway.

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><p>So if you haven't already, go read the other oneshot. Let me know what you think of this, and that, and I'll let you know via PM when "Castle in LA" comes up. That story will involve obviously Rick Castle going to LA with Detective Kate Beckett to investigate a homicide connected with New York, but with Rick also secretly investigating the Vega family. There's a lot that will happen in that story, and I think you'll enjoy it. The oneshots just serve, in a way, as prequels. Remember, the other oneshot is "Castle's Lament".<p> 


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